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Monday, November 22, 2010

Smurfs & Life



When my friend Rob posted this photo on Facebook, I thought:  Smurfs.

In the early eighties, I shared one-half of a duplex with a girlfriend in the Binz district of Houston.   
We were in our twenties & single & enjoyed our lives.
Which means that we partied big time.

Whenever my roommate was in town on the weekends (she was a diver & quite often absent), she cooked Saturday morning breakfast.  Hash browns, omelets – both in iron skillets.  Very impressive.

Our kitchen was huge, large ceilings, lots of windows, a party kitchen, with a small space for a table & some space I don’t remember for a black & white TV.  So while Linda cooked ; I sipped Bloody Marys, I watched the Smurfs in black & white.

I began to talk about the Smurfs at work – people brought me Smurf bowls & plates & cups & key chains & little figures.

My roommate’s response was:  OMG, I feared the day you found out the Smurfs were blue.

Blue, any shade of blue, is my favorite color.  Much of our shared space was blue.  I think she feared our whole half of the duplex would turn various shades of blue.

Which would have suited me fine.

I have a  printer’s box, featuring several Smurf figures, including Smurfette.

Thank you, Rob, for bringing back those memories.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Taking Jean to Vote

This morning I took Jean to vote early in the November 2010 elections. 

First, I went to vote to make her trek there as short & painless as possible. I learned the last time we went the time it takes to help her out of the truck, stand behind her as she moves with the walker, helping her in & out of the chair at the voting booth.

Before I voted, I told the polling judges (including our long-time friend & neighbor, Miss Melanie) that I would be returning with Jean.

Because I knew that Miss Melanie would make sure that Jean was treated with respect & that her voting experience was pleasant & stress free.

While the polling judges have offered us the option of taking the booth out to the car, Jean will not hear of this.  She wants to participate in the process, the whole experience.

So we load up the walker (necessary to ascend & descend out of the Blazer) & the wheel chair & head off to Meadows Place City Hall.

Meadows Place residents vote & Election Day turn out can be a nightmare.  Early voting is less crowded, no lines, but fills the small parking lot of city hall.

There are two handicapped parking places in the parking lot of Meadows Place City Hall.  Only one is wheel chair / walker accessible.  Unless you are loading & unloading from a van designed for the handicapped with rear entry & exit.

The one wheel chair accessible spot was occupied by a very well kept red truck & the vehicle in the spot adjacent to the other handicapped spot had parked over the line.  No chance of getting Jean in & out of the Blazer.

So I parked in a nearby drive & waited.  Then I got militant.  Why was there only ONE wheel chair accessible space?  

I turned on the A/C, put on the emergency brake, told Jean not to let anyone kidnap her (she has really, really fierce blue eyes) & walked over to that very well kept red truck to verify that it had a handicapped sticker.

It did.  

I took a lot of deep breaths on my way back to the Blazer & Jean until I looked back & 
saw a very fit, very well kept young man, walk from City Hall to the very well kept red truck in the only wheel chair accessible space.

And I wanted to ram that very self-indulgent young man & his well kept red truck with the Blazer.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Peace Corp Vets


Thinking of Richard Pulley.  The Peace Corps Alumn, the Navy Vet, the only man I have ever heard of except for Rosy Grier who did incredible needlepoint.

Not to mention the man who introduced me to mystery novels.

And how he came down the street to my Montrose apartment & told me it was time to come the party.
 
On more than one occasion.

How he cut his wife Marguerite & I off the margaritas at The Spanish Village, always with the excuse – “I can handle either one of you alone but the two of you together. . .”

Marguerite . . .who found my first inner city apartment.  With her friend John Chambless, who took us out in his little MGB to Spanish Village..  

Marguerite & Richard, Rice grads.  Richard in Geology.  Marguerite with a PHD in Philosophy.  Richard working as a geologist.  Marguerite as an accountant.
Adopting me & introducing me to an amazing group of people. 
 
Richard went into the Peace Corps during Vietnam.  He found water.  He hung out with some Jesuit priests.  Richard had some interesting adventures.  It is not my place to tell those stories.

But I do remember my “last” birthday party – my 29th – when Richard & Marguerite took me to the zoo & then to a picnic along Buffalo Bayou.  

 Complete with linens & Waterford & chocolate covered fruit & little slivers of white bread & beluga caviar Richard had purchased at the Russian Embassy in Afghanistan.  And champagne.

I don’t remember what possessed us to look at my driver’s license but it turned out to be my 28th, not my 29th birthday.  Richard & Maggie took the sacrifice of the beluga in stride.

I miss them.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

If I have written about this, please forgive me . . .

If I have written about this before, please forgive me.   

So much of memory is filtered over time & when the memories are clear & concise, one should tell the story.

Before I moved to Dorrance Lane & Fort Bend County, I dreamt about my future high school.

A high school named after a man I personally held responsible for the Vietnam war – John Foster Dulles,

I dreamt about my first day at my new school.  

I was sitting in a strange room, with tables instead of desks.  

Lots of sinks & faucets – not unlike a chem lab.  I only learned later that my home room assignment was in the Home Ec Lab.

In my dream, a boy with a great face & voice came up & said hello.  Next, a girl dressed in red, white & blue (JFD colors) in what I found a sad replica of a cheerleader uniform, joined the boy with a great face & voice & said hello.

She was unlike any cheerleader we ever knew at CHS.  Wonderful hair, horrible nose, great energy.  She would have never made the squad at CHS.


Funny dream, I thought.
How did I know that John Foster Dulles’ namesake’s colors were red, white & blue?

When at last we moved, & I breathed water & feared the encroachment of mildew, I went with Jean to drop off my sister & brother at Dulles Middle School & Dulles High School sent a student office worker to walk me across the campus.

Becky Lubojosky – the first person I met in my new high school.  Who talked about how my Coronado Ring was so similar to the Dulles ring & how great it was that girls were allowed to wear pant suits & what great timing for me to arrive for the day off devoted to the Fort Bend County Rodeo.

And I thought, beam me up, Scotty. 

 Then I went to my homeroom.

With tables & sinks & faucets & stoves & ovens & sewing machines.

And I thought, beam me up, Scotty.

And then a guy with a great face & a wonderful voice came into the room & introduced himself.  And then a girl with a really bad cheerleader outfit came to the table & introduced herself.

And I thought, beam me up Scotty.

That guy with a wonderful face & voice & that cheerleader were the epicenter of Dulles High School & they took me under their wings & filled a void.

Becky Lubojosky & her friends pushed my name forward in every election – Jaki Jean as Wittiest, Jaki Jean as Most Talented, Jaki Jean as Most Unforgettable.

 In the end, I only got Wittiest. 

But more than that, I learned to listen to my dreams & my inner voice.  

Now I just want Jean Luc to beam me up . . . ;-)  Forget Scotty.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

CHS. All those Friday night lights


The morning pep rallies with piñatas & little chocolate footballs & signs.  The Blazer Girls (would I have been a Blazer Girl, I wonder). The afternoon rallies in the gym, with each class yell leader, competing to prove which class was had the most team spirit.

It wasn’t just about football or basketball or baseball or track at CHS (although we were the best in the city).  

I remember how Papa Field of the speech department made me work harder than anyone else, how he had me talk into a tape recorder until all traces of my East Texas accent were gone, how he gave me extra assignments.  

 I had to read Time, Newsweek & US News & World Report.  How I had to give extra speeches.

I thought, I must be the worst speaker in the class.

Then he started making me keep note cards with bits & pieces of what I read about current events.

Why, I thought, does this man hate me?

Then, on a Monday, he called me to his desk after class & told me that I would be representing CHS at the Lydia Stark Speech Tournament in Persuasive Speaking.

I don’t remember what I thought.  That particular year Papa Field & Mama Card decided to take novices to the very prestigious & competitive Lydia Stark Tournament.  Veterans went on the trip, to mentor the novices.

Before we got off the bus, Mama Card told us:  I want you to walk into that room with your heads held how, knowing that each & every one of you is a winner – you are the best.

I doubted that on my part, but relied on my acting abilities to fake confidence.

At every round, at every posting of the standings, Ken Korn (upper classman & a great actor) stood with me, telling me I was great.

When I made the finals, I was amazed.  Ken told me I was brilliant – he sat in on every round (Mama Card & Papa Field were very clever).

I knew I would not win, I could not possibly win.  The judges in the final round were fierce – all newscasters from the local stations.

So I hid.  I was not even in the auditorium when results were announced & trophies were handed out. 

Ken Korn found me.

It’s your event – you have to be there, he said.

I said no, I have let everyone down.

He took my hand & literally pulled me through the door.

They announced third place in Persuasive Speaking.

If I did not get third, I was shit out of luck.

Ken held onto me & kept me there.

I did not get second.  I looked at him, desperate for help.  He held on.

And then they announced my name & Ken hugged me & kissed the top of my head & pushed me down the aisle.

That is the magic of CHS – that we all believed we could be first place.

Most of the time, we were.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Jane Eyre - Chapter 1 First Draft

Chapter One

There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.

The novel opens with stasis.

During previous readings, I thought, what an amazing move. To begin a female buildings roman from a fixed position – what, who has fixed her there? Bronte, of course, & Jane, as the narrator, the author of her own story & text. And Mrs. Reed.

As the narrator, Jane introduces us to Mrs. Reed, the first m(other) figure of Jane’s story:

The said Eliza, John, and Georgiana were now clustered round their mama in the drawing-room: she lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings about her (for the time neither quarrelling nor crying) looking perfectly happy.

Mrs. Reed writes her own text of Jane: as a caviller [what the hell is a caviller? If I ever knew, I have forgotten. I looked it up - a disputant who quibbles; someone who raises annoying petty objections] or questioner. . .something forbidding. . .unpleasant, discontented, unhappy. . .unnatural.

From the beginning of the novel, Jane is cast as an outsider, by Bessie, for her supposed physical inferiority to the Reed darlings (who wouldn’t be unhappy with frozen fingers & toes?????), by Mrs. Reed, by Jane herself.

Mrs. Reed positions Jane – not only excluding her from the family tableau, but from language. She is to be seated somewhere. . .and remain silent until she can speak in a language, a manner, acceptable to Mrs. Reed’s definition of a more sociable and childlike disposition.

Stasis = silence.

Banished, Jane repositions herself in the window seat, with a book. Throughout this novel, I am intrigued by Jane’s (or Bronte’s) choice of texts. Much has been written about Bewick’s History of British Birds. The entire Brontė family was fond of the volume. Bronte even wrote a poem about Bewick. The volume is still widely quoted. It appears in other Bronte family novels.

Eyrephiles have suggested that Jane’s choice of Bewick indicates her sense of isolation – she looks at the pictures of non-British landscapes. I would argue that her fascination with places other than Gateshead and the Reeds was an indication of her desire to remove herself from her positioning, to reposition herself anyplace other than Gateshead.

Jane is less interested in the Bewick’s letter-press than the pictures. She chooses to position herself in the window seat, protected on one side by folds of scarlet drapery, separated from the dreary November day by clear panes of window glass.

It seems to me that things always happen within Jane when she looks out of a window. . .

Other Eyrephiles wax poetic on how the pictures Jane chooses to tell us about lay the groundwork for her artwork.

But the Bewick passage interests me for other reasons. All novels are self-reflective; all say something about the process of creating text, of telling a story. Throughout the novel, Jane is fascinated by narrative. Bewick’s illustrations interest her because Each picture told a story; mysterious often to my undeveloped understanding and imperfect feelings, yet ever profoundly interesting: as interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winter evenings. . .(feeding the children’s) eager attention with passages of love and adventure taken from the old fairy tales and older ballads; or (as at a later period I discovered) from the pages of Pamela, and Henry, Earl of Moreland.

Jane Eyre is no Pamela, whose story reads like the outline for a conduct book. Pamela’s most famous dictum is that she always knows her place as a servant. On the surface, at least, Jane continually resists the positioning dictated by others. As a child, she is continually told that she is less than a servant – servants earn their keep – she is a charity case (as if anything about Mrs. Reed is charitable!).

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Back to Chapter 1.

With Bewick on my knee, I was then happy: happy at least in my own way. I feared nothing but interruption. . .

Jane’s alone time in the window seat, dreaming of places other than Gateshead, is interrupted – John Reed cannot find her alone. Finding the room apparently empty, he invents the story that she has gone out into the rain (silly goose, John Reed, Jane does not like to take walks in the damp cold . . .)

The rupture of Jane’s solace comes about because Eliza, the brightest of the Reed children, tells him where Jane is positioned. Betrayed by a female, Jane is repositioned once again. From sanctuary to violence. John Reed uses Bewick (a male text) to violate Jane., striking her on the head. She is cut, violated.

A really radical Jaki would argue that John Reed textually rapes Jane in order to assert his position of power over her. . .

Jane’s response to John’s violence, her assessment of his wickedness & cruelty, her attempt to defend herself against his attack as he lunges at her, is rewritten by the women of the house as fury and passion.

And then the hands of the female servants (Bessie & Abbot) restrain (stasis) Jane and Mrs. Reed repositions our heroine once again. Still restrained – four hands were immediately laid upon me - she is confined to the red room.

Chapter 1 opens with stasis and closes with what looks like movement, but is it just another repositioning of the resistant female (another form of stasis?).

Friday, September 17, 2010

A Return to God & Morality

At times, I despair of the call for America to return to God & morality.

The idea that this country was founded as the new Jerusalem, rooted in a quest for religious freedom, is a myth, a testament to our ability to rewrite & re-interpret history & indoctrinate our young people into believing the myth as fact.

This country was founded by men & merchants seeking gold & the opportunity to cash in on the continent’s riches.

That is not to say that the founding fathers (note that there are no founding mothers – how these men gave birth to anything without females is beyond me) did not consider freedom of religion an interesting & necessary concept – they also considered the right to bear arms and the right to participate ein the democratic process (as long as you were male & a land-owner) & the right to expect represntation with taxation necessary components for the new nation they envisioned. They were not opposed to slavery.

So the call for a return to God & morality baffles me.

As if there was anything moral about this country's attempt to wipe out the indigenous population, anything moral about the original requirements for voting, anything moral about slavery, anything moral about the way we treated specific groups of immigrants, anything moral about Jim Crow laws or segregation, anything moral about rounding up & interring American citizens of Japanese descent, anything moral about the Vietnam War, anything moral about the myth of the Cold War, anything moral about standing by as ethnic genocide is still practiced around the globe, anything moral about either invasion of Iraq, anything moral about allowing members of the Bin Laden family to fly out of this country when the skies were empty except for the military after 911, anything moral about greed as a motivating factor in conducting business, anything moral about Americans dying & suffering for lack of affordable, adequate health care, anything moral about the struggling middle class carrying the burden of funding our government, anything moral about the fact that my 75 year old mother, who has paid taxes for over forty years, has to prove her citizenship in order to get a photo I.D. so a hospital will admit her for insurance covered day surgery, anything moral about the increase in hate crimes, an increase in crimes against women & children, anything moral about the fact that as a country, we have the ability to feed the entire world & American children still go to school & to bed hungry.

I love this nation, I love the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Separation of Powers. But I refuse to romanticize Her.

Women seldom enjoy being romanticized – we want & need & deserve to be accepted & respected for the flawed beings we are. Admired for our strengths, forgiven for our weaknesses.

America is no different.