An Open Letter to Philip John Paul Gagan

Dear Philip,

Sometime during the spring & fall of 1989, we made a baby.  A son.

And now that son is about to turn 21. 

 

When he turned 18, he indicated that he would like to find you.  

So I researched.  While I did not find you (it seemed at the time that everything was listed in your wife’s name), I found your mother.

Whose response to my request that she contact you about your first born was less than enthusiastic.  Actually, your mother’s response was devastating.

I tried to explain that Sam’s birth had nothing to do with your marriage, predated it.  I tried to reassure her that I was not calling about money or names but because this incredible 18-year old had a right to confront you.  I tried to appeal to her as a grandmother – this was, after all, her first grandchild.

She refused.

Afterward, for a while, I wept.  

And then I thought, I am not sure that your family deserves Sam.  I never told him of his grandmother’s rejection. 

I know for certain that you have known for over twenty years that Sam was your son & you have done nothing.  NOTHING.

Through your attorney, you claimed that you could not be sure Sam was yours because you were traveling.  An interesting ascertain – I assure you I was faithful.  I had opportunities, perhaps I should have taken advantage of those opportunities. 

You, however, were not so monogamous.  Shortly after I gave birth, I received a call from a woman who told me that you had given her venereal warts & that if I wanted anything from you, I should go for it.  I laughed & told her that you had nothing except an iron that belonged to me.

Then I went crazy & called my mother & Sam’s pediatrician & had Sam tested.  We were clear, but how dare you expose your son to that without telling me?

If Sam does meet you one day, I think he will have a lot of questions.

I hope he punches the hell out of you.  Believe me, he can do it.  If not him, then his brother & his uncles & his aunts & his cousins.  All of whom have taken up the slack left by your absence.  We will not go into Sam’s extended family.

I would so enjoy that.

Bottom line, Sam is so much better than you could ever hope to be.  An amazing, beautiful, old soul.  

In my opinion, a better man for your absence.

That assessment, however, is up to Sam.

If you are an honorable man, you should try & contact him.  He may tell you to go to hell.

 

Or not.

Jaki