My dear friend Muriel calls me on a
regular basis to visit, to ask about my mother & ask about the state of my
mind & my spirit. If it is a
holiday, she asks me what I am cooking.
Sometimes just on an ordinary day.
We exchange menus the same way we exchange stories of our days & the
people involved in our lives.
Our friendship began with
conversation – over lunch when we worked together.
Since the death of her daughter
Cheryl, Muriel has been raising her grandchildren Maddie & Jules. She does something that never occurred to me when
I was raising Nick & Sam. On a
regular basis, she asks them what they would like for dinner. While I always asked Nick & Sam what they
wanted for their birthday dinners, it never occurred to include them in the
daily process.
I must confess I am a tyrant in the
kitchen. Not one member of my family
will say otherwise.
How I became a tyrant remains a
mystery. I learned to cook from women
& men who invited me into their kitchens & included me in the
process. But that is another story.
The inclusion of her grandchildren
in the choices that make up the daily process of family life is just one of the
things I love about my friend Muriel.
Not only do the children participate in choosing the menu, Maddie &
Jules compile the weekly grocery list for their grandmother & go shopping
as a family.
I am quite in awe of this team building for
families.
Although Maddie & Jules miss
their mother every day, the family Muriel has made for them results in two happy,
well-adjusted, loving children who are wise beyond their years. Make no mistake, Muriel is the parent in charge. But she has created a team & the team
thrives because they all feel empowered, they all have a voice.
A lesson for all of us.
For Labor Day, my menu was Jaki Jean’s
Infamous Orgasmic Turkey Burgers, roasted corn on the cob & Blue Bell White
Chocolate Almond ice cream with hot fudge for dessert. The menu at Muriel’s house was barbecue
chicken in a crock pot, pinto beans because Julian wanted them, & potato
salad.
The idea of barbecue chicken in a
crock pot hit me today when I returned from the store to discover that our AC was
not functioning. And because I no longer
keep bottled barbecue sauce in my pantry since my friend Jayne Pride told me, “Barbecue
sauce is not our friend.” (Jayne is a
grandmother, a healthy & fit beauty who looks as young as her daughter – so
I always listen to her on these things).
So, for the first time in my six
decades, I made barbecue sauce from scratch.
And I began to realize the truth of Jayne Pride’s words. I used honey & maple syrup instead of
molasses, but there was no leaving out the brown sugar. Except for adding a chipotle pepper in adobe
sauce crushed into a pulp with a mortar & pestle, I followed the recipe for
the spices – cinnamon, cayenne pepper, paprika, ginger, salt, black pepper, red
pepper flakes, mustard.
All who know me understand that I
like spicy.
As I put the sauce together, loving the
crushing of the chipotle pepper in the mortar & pestle, I think to myself:
Muriel
gave you this moment, doing something you love, creating something to share.
Friends do that for you, give you a
moment to create something to share, doing something you love.
This evening, my menu is barbecued
chicken in a crock pot, potato salad made with sweet rather than white potatoes
& more Blue Bell White Chocolate Almond ice cream with hot fudge sauce.
And smiling, I wonder what Maddie & Jules have planned for their menu tonight.
Jules, Muriel & Maddie
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